I've let most of August pass me by without a post. The past few weeks have slipped by with easy living. I've been in town working at the People for Care and Learning center in Siem Reap town. I've had air conditiong, cable, and access to a kitchen...it's been a dream. I'm ready to wake up though. I've been missing my village, my cuddly baby sister, my mischevious little brother, curling up in a sweat puddle with a good book, and my students who tip their hats to me as they pass on their bikes. I find it strange that I'm homesick for my second home.
The point of the blog today, or rather the thing that prompted me to write, happened on my way back from lunch. I watched the Democratic National Convention this morning, cheered on Hillary, sat down in the cafe and caught up on some news and then started feeling really restless...it's the wanderer in me. I headed out for some cheap Indian food for lunch, stuffed myself, packed up the leftovers and headed home with my take-away box of dal and butter naa swinging as I skipped along. I was walking back to the cafe (where my housing is while I'm working in town) and passed by a small market area where there's a little barber stall...basically a shack with a chair and a mirror. In the chair was the skinniest, weakest, tinniest little boy with the largest malnourished swollen belly I have ever seen. Swollen bellies aren't uncommon here, but the size of this one was. Suddenly my scrumptious Indian lunch seemed shameful. The skip in my step became a slow lumber as I continued my walk back.
Sometimes here, I feel so useless. I'm teaching school to get a few kids into universities so they can get better jobs....that's great. I recognize the enormity of that endeavor alone as I've seen some of my students moving up and on. But for the most part, my students are nourished, clothed, and educated. They are the ones that have already made it up and out if only a little. But what about that little boy in the barber seat? What about him? What about all the kids in my village that are starving? I want to feed them all, hug them all, tell them it will all be okay....but who am I to say it will be? I could feed them a meal but where will the next one come from...and the next..?
Cambodia is developing so much. Already in the past year and a half it's changed by leaps and bounds....but there's still so far to go. Phnom Penh is booming. Siem Reap is in a building frenzy. But little of that actually reaches out to the villages where the sun and candles are the only providers of light, where rice fields are plowed by oxen and planted by hand, where kids drop out of school before the 7th grade (or never even go), and where little boys walk around looking 6 months pregnant. How long does it take a developing nation to develop? Too long.
I'm heading to bed now. I'm going to snuggle up with the world and hope it really will be okay.
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2 comments:
I have felt that way before and do now. What am I doing? I say I want to change the world, but I know I cannot do it alone. Though I know there is so much work to do in this world and there are so many suffering; I am happy to know I am not the only one that cares. It gives me hope!! You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Miss ya!
Sarah, I remember that feeling when I arrived in India. I had seen the beggars in the street at Delhi but it was the bus ride out of Trivandrum that culture shock hit. My prayer quickly became, "O God, what devastation,poverty, and living conditions. I'm only one person." God very peacefully spoke to me and said, "I called you here for a purpose. You do your jog and I will take care of the rest." It was good words of reassurance and the images have not faded and I continue to be diligent to pray for them since 1983.
One of things you can teach your students is to care for the widows and orphans now and when they find their future security.
Love & blessings, Fr. M.
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